Once I discussed with an elder regarding my take on relationships. At the time, my stance on relationship was fairly negative, due to my shaky economic foundation, plus my spine injury, in comparison with friends of my age, I was behind in life, lacking social experiences, difficulty working in a normal environment (due to my spine) and always over-idealistic, all these elements revealed my immaturity as in individual.
In a relationship for a person such as I, becoming a weighted burden seems inevitable.
After I was done with my lengthy self-analysis, the elder replied gently: “Neither receive nor reject.”
Right then and there I seemed to have understood its implication, but could not yet explicitly define my interpretation of these simple words. Until today, do I finally discovered its true essence. I am now aware the insignificance of all the concerns and self-hypnotization I once brought forth, as they stand pale in front of these simple words, and melt away like winter snow under the tender warmth of spring sun. I was ignorantly place limitation upon myself, building a castle out of my own negative self-opinions and criticisms and isolate myself.
Facing a world of infinite possibilities can be a devastating experience, due to an innate fear of humans in the face of variables. Therefore we began to create myths and legends with exaggeration to explain and hence to manipulate the unpredictable motions of heaven and earth, dissolving that deep rooted fear of living of uncertainties.
This kind of definition, as well as self-limitation, can become a habit. Despite our revelation of many principles and logics that is once unknown to us through the advancement in science and technology, our fear of uncertainty remains, yet we persist on searching for other alternative interpretations to reduce our discomfort, and rationalize everything around us.
In the face of love, we are not frank enough. Many people spend countless hours in search of various theories to analyze, deconstruct or even to predict a relationship. They would do everything besides to openly face the coming and going of another, to burden the joy and sorrow of each other, to accept unconditionally the good and the bad, and acknowledge one’s own imperfection. We then chase or reject love, or entangled between both.
Put it bluntly, we lack the courage to face uncertainties.
Do I have the courage to face the deficiencies in my personality and my life, to accept the criticisms and suggestions of others, to embrace the emotional ups and downs in a relationship, and stepping outside my comfort zone and face that unpredictability? Am I ready to adjust my thoughts and behaviors, and be prepared to face the consequences of my decisions and pay the price?
“Neither receive nor reject” does not mean acceptance of all who comes by. Rather, it is a state of clarity and tranquility, transcending the dualistic perspective, no longer a struggle between aggressive and passive, nor is it a pull and drag between want and want not. It is not inaction, but a straightforward mentality, crystal clear, to confront all that may or may not happen, and act accordingly. It is an active engagement of life at every moment, to focus on the tasks at hand and do the best one can do. To release oneself from the fear of unknown, no longer hangs in fear of been hurt. No limit, no deliberation, no predisposition, and no attachment.
Neither this nor the opposite of this.
When someone I like stand in front of me, how should I respond? In the wake of all the unknowns, can I internalize all that I’ve learnt and understood and let my behaviors be a direct manifestation of the knowledge I have acquired?
That will be my task.
- Jul 25 Sun 2010 10:33